Conversations around self-harm and suicidal thoughts can feel difficult or uncomfortable, but they are essential. These are not attention-seeking behaviours – they are signs of deep emotional pain, and often a way of coping when someone feels overwhelmed, hopeless, or unable to express what they’re going through.

The more we understand these experiences, the more confidently we can support others with empathy, not judgement.

What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts themselves as a way to cope with difficult emotions, memories, or situations. It’s often used as a form of emotional release or control – not necessarily a suicide attempt.

Common forms of self-harm:

• Cutting, scratching, or burning the skin
• Hitting, bruising, or punching oneself
• Taking risks or putting oneself in danger
• Misusing substances or food in harmful ways

💡 Self-harm is often a symptom, not the problem itself. It signals emotional pain that may not yet have words.

Why Do People Self-Harm?

Everyone’s reasons are different, but some common factors include:

• Trying to release intense emotions (like anger, sadness, or numbness)
• Punishing themselves due to feelings of guilt or shame
• Regaining a sense of control
• Distracting from emotional pain
• Expressing something they can’t put into words

What are Suicidal Thoughts?

Suicidal thoughts (also known as suicidal ideation) can range from fleeting thoughts like “I can’t go on” to detailed plans to end one’s life.

Not everyone with suicidal thoughts will act on them – but all suicidal feelings should be taken seriously.

Signs someone may be thinking about suicide:

• Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden
  – Withdrawing from others
• Saying goodbye or giving away possessions
• Sudden mood changes (especially calmness after a long period of distress)
• Engaging in risky or reckless behaviour
• Saying things like *“Everyone would be better off without me”

How to Talk About It

Talking about self-harm or suicidal thoughts won’t “put the idea in someone’s head” – but avoiding the subject can make them feel even more alone.

Try saying:

• “You seem really overwhelmed – do you want to talk about what’s going on?”
• “Sometimes when people feel like this, they think about hurting themselves. Is that something you’ve been feeling?”
• “You’re not alone – I’m here to support you, and there are people who can help.”

Avoid saying:

• “You’re just doing it for attention.”
• “You’ve got nothing to be upset about.”
• “It’s not that bad – others have it worse.”
• “Don’t be silly – you wouldn’t really do it.”

💡 It’s okay to feel unsure. Just being calm, kind, and present can help someone feel less alone.

How to Support Someone

• Stay calm and listen: You don’t need to fix it – just be there.
• Don’t promise to keep it secret: If someone’s at risk, you may need to involve a professional.
• Encourage them to get help: This could be their GP, a counsellor, or a mental health service.
• Follow up: A check-in the next day shows you care.
• Know your limits: You’re not expected to carry this alone – involve professionals if you’re concerned.

If Someone Is in Immediate Danger

If someone is at immediate risk of suicide or serious harm:

• Call 999/112 or take them to A&E
• Stay with them until help arrives
• Remove access to any means of harm, if safe to do so
• Reassure them that help is available and they are not alone

📞 Where to Get Help (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 – Free, 24/7, confidential
• SHOUT: Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 – Free 24/7 crisis text line
• GP or local NHS crisis team
• Papyrus HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 41 41
• MIND
• Self-Injury Support

Supporting Recovery

Recovery from self-harm and suicidal thoughts is possible. With the right support, people can learn safer coping strategies, build resilience, and reconnect with hope and purpose.

Helpful strategies might include:

• Talking therapies (e.g. CBT, DBT)
• Grounding techniques or mindfulness
• Journalling or creative expression
• Physical activity or time in nature
• Building a safety plan with trusted support

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are signs of emotional distress – not attention-seeking or weakness. By approaching with empathy and openness, we can help break the silence, reduce shame, and offer a pathway to hope and healing.

You don’t need to be an expert – you just need to be someone who cares.